Some time...

... things around me will just get me moody... songs especially will just make me think back things that I have put behind... saw this lyric posted in one of my friend's blog and I know well enough those words expressed my deepest feelings hidden away.... grieving over what is lost or just been setimental? No longer it matters to me.... isnt it as I quietly asked myself?

Qi asked me: "how long will i take to be ready again?"
me: I'm not sure. Maybe never again. I rather be a fallen angel than to get back to heaven.

Qi: But life has to go on!

Me: Yup, that does not mean I'm not moving on. Just part of me is left there stationary. I believe that everyone is make up of many different parts of ourself. Its good that all part of us is moving ahead, but not everyone is fortunate I guess. Anyway, it does not matter also, one still eats, sleeps, work, laugh, talk, etc.

Life still moves on, as world does not stop, a friend once told me. Yes, life still goes on but the heart no longer function to give out feeling or feel things around you coz the heart is no longer there to begin with. Shattered into billion pieces, it has long gone with the wind.... cry as I may... but no longer the heart hurts as tears roll down like rain fall...

Like the song sang... Paintings in my mind by Tommy Page

Picture this, you and me

Walking down a white sand beach

We're holding hands, the warm wind blow

We're all alone

All these dreams are fantasies

They're not real, not reality

And now i cry over you, nearly die over you

And all the bits and pieces of us that i try to find

Chorus:

Are only paintings in my mind

Faded memories of another place and time

We were happy as can be

You were loving me

And now it's just an image that i find

Like the paintings in my mind

When you left, i fell apart

I was torn, you broke my heart

And now i cry over you, nearly die over you

And all the bits and pieces of us that i try to find

Impressions of the way it was

Long ago, somewhere back in time

From time to time, I want to cry out loud that why you has to be so cruel to pick out that knife from the heart and plant it back deep in... what have I done wrong to deserve all these... I was there whole heartly loving you... and you have to be so cruel to torn it apart like trash not once but several time....